The Trouble with New Years Resolutions

Thanks, Parents!

At this time last year, I sat down and blogged about three projects I'd decided to focus my energy on in 2012:

• The Gratitude Project: Committing to starting my Thanks, Parents! blog, and spending more energy in general being grateful, rather than irritated, frustrated or impatient.
• The Gazelle Project: Wanting to be a bigger part of the running community, prioritizing injury prevention, running higher mileage, and becoming a stronger uphill runner
• The Energy Project: Getting organized, procrastinating less, prioritizing sleep, and being more conscientious in general about how I nourish my body - including forgoing alcohol for a year

On the whole, I was successful with all of these: I blogged about gratitude all year long, my running life flourished, and I made it the whole year without booze. There was something very valuable to me in the exercise of setting just three major intentions for the whole year. It allowed me to really, truly focus on those "projects" as I called them - and for the first time in the decade+ that I've been making resolutions, actually feel I accomplished everything I wanted to in that year.

Speaking purely from my own experience, I think there are two major problems with New Year's Resolutions, which explain why most of us fail to keep ours.

The Too Specific Problem
I know, SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound) goals, blah blah blah...and I'm all for specific goal-setting! But I think you can set yourself up for failure when you frame resolutions as specific goals, rather than as general intentions. If you look at the specific, measurable aspects of my projects, I failed on most counts.

Let's take my Gazelle Project. I wrote in last year's blog that some of my specific running goals for 2012 included: a sub-20:00 5K, a sub-6:00 mile, and qualifying for Boston. Of these, I accomplished zero. I didn't even wind up running a single 5K or road marathon.

Instead, however, I ran not only my first 50-miler, but my first 100-miler. I went from having gone on exactly one group run with the Seattle Mountain Running crew to going on dozens of training runs, road trips, and race adventures with new friends. When I sent the word out to my newfound trail running buddies of 2012 (well, except Glenn, who's known me since the very beginning of my trail running life, back when it was still a solo sport for me, not a community-driven one) that I was leaving Seattle, nearly a dozen of them showed up for my farewell snowshoeing adventure on New Years Day.

Snowshoeing at Commonwealth Basin with my SMRG buddies

At the beginning of 2012, I'd never even been to a 100-miler. By the end of 2012, I'd volunteered at several, paced at four, and even run my own. I went from running one ultra in 2010, and one in 2011, to running over a dozen (Fatasses/unsanctioned ultras included) in 2012. I volunteered at more races than ever before, and also ran more total miles than ever before (1800+ for the whole year, up from 1300ish in 2011). So...did I keep my resolution to develop myself as a runner, or not?

Calling it a project, and giving myself un-specific, un-measurable goals like "being a bigger part of the running community", "preventing injury", and "running higher mileage" were actually far more attainable and valuable in the long run than any of the specific, measurable running goals I tried to tack on, too.

The Too Many Problem

"Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years." - Attributed to both Bill Gates and Anthony Robbins...not sure who said it first

I think we often expect too much of ourselves. In addition to the three major projects, I had many supplementary goals and ambitions for 2012. Some of these happened: I read at least a book a week all year, I landed a full-time writing job by the end of the year, I did more yoga. On the other hand, plenty of them didn't happen at all: I didn't take banjo lessons, I didn't eat less refined sugar, I wasn't diligent in budgeting and tracking spending, and I still can't do a pull-up.

But...I think that's okay! It's perfectly fine to aim big, but I think it's also important to be patient with ourselves. None of us pull it all off. So...I think that three, from now on, is my magic number for New Year projects: three big, ambitious ones to which I really, truly commit myself and my energy. Of course, there will always be other ideas, other goals percolating in my mind - but above all, let me not lose sight of the big three.
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With that, I present my 2013 Projects.

The Simplicity Project

I've moved a lot in the last few years. There was a little window of time where I managed to stay in the same apartment for over a year. Aside from that, in my adult life, I haven't lived in the same space for more than 3-8 months. In fact, I've had a dozen different residential addresses in the past five years alone. The good news is that, every time I move, I get rid of more stuff. More things feel superfluous. This all feels immensely rejuvenating; instead of stressing about the fact that I'm once again renting a truck and moving my life halfway across the country, I'm embracing the opportunity to lighten up.

In 2013, I'd like to keep things simple. I want to be more relaxed in my day-to-day life; I've left a cushy corporate job in the big city for the passion gig in a tiny mountain town, and I'm hoping the shift in scenery can help me simplify the expectations I have for myself. Life is about being, not doing.

Sunrise in Glenwood Canyon

I want to be more spontaneous in daily life, rather than setting a tight agenda and always feeling rushed. I want, as I blogged about several months ago, to stop glorifying busyness. I want to have the patience to meditate, to not set an alarm on weekends, to give myself permission to spend hours reading a novel or doing a jigsaw puzzle, to keep my mind present during more of my daily life. I want to live amid less clutter, and be less attached to material things. 

Well, except running shoes: a vice that, on a sidenote, my new job will be no good at discouraging. Below, on the left, is my new boss's entrance hallway at home. On the right is my own. Oi vey. At least I know I've come to the right place. Speaking of which, trail running friends and blog readers alike, drop me a line if you're interested in wear-testing shoes for Trail Runner. I need folks from all over the country, so speak up!

But, really. I'm serious about simplifying.

The Wellness Project

This will follow some similar themes as last year's "Energy Project". Of last year's three, it's the one I feel I did most poorly on. I made some strides - forgoing alcohol and juicing daily for most of the year, establishing "Health Home" with James, picking up yoga again, trying to bike commute more, etc - but I still feel I have a long way to go in this realm. So I'm repackaging it for 2013 as a Wellness Project :)

In this, I would like my life to include more: sleep, juicing, cooking with whole foods, salads and veggies,  green smoothies, tea, running, yoga, reading, journaling, meditation, being outdoors, love
...and less: Facebook, internet, iPhone use, refined sugar, dining out, spending money, caffeine, processed foods, meat and dairy, stress and anxiety, hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock

The Courage Project

Here's something that may come as a surprise to those who've met me in my adult life: I was a pretty shy kid with a lot of insecurities and a big inferiority complex. I had a rough time for many years, making new friends, "fitting in" socially, feeling I had much to offer to others. I can say with confidence that I've overcome most of that - but as with anything in our childhoods, the shadows of those memories still trickle into the cracks of my adult life. To this day, I have a strong need to be well liked, to seek the approval of others. Am I perfectionist? Often, yes, more than I like to admit.

Without getting too psychoanalytic here, I know that there are many things about this coming year that will prove challenging in this realm. Having my writing and editorial skills spotlighted in front of a national (and opinionated!) audience is scary. Learning to not take criticism personally will be a tough, but necessary, lesson.

I'm also struggling with all the fears that come with moving somewhere new, and having changed virtually all aspects of my life over the course of a few short months. People here don't really know me yet, and it will be a while before I can feel myself around them. I miss my friends, the familiarity and comfort of my old life in Seattle. It will all come with time, I know - but for now, it's hard to feel like a blank slate again.

Rather than letting myself be swallowed by these fears, I hope to see them as the opportunities they are, and grow from them.

During my few months with Solavei, I was fortunate to have a great boss who nudged me out of my comfort zone daily, who always challenged me to take on new responsibilities I didn't initially think myself capable of. This was a hugely valuable learning experience for me (thank you, Rudy!), and one I want to continue building on on my own in the coming year. 

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So there you have it. I think that because I was able to accomplish so many of my concrete, external goals in 2012, I'm necessarily deciding to focus on more abstract, internal goals in 2013. That feels good. 

We're not in Washington anymore: Luna Moonshine, my ever-capricious VW who almost broke down the day before leaving for Colorado...didn't know if she'd make it all the way, but here we are!

There's a great deal more to say about adjusting to new life in Colorado, but this blog entry has gone on long enough already. Suffice to say, for now, that I have gone from a world where the essentials are waterproof jackets, poncho pants, and GORE-TEX boots, to one of chapstick, sunglasses, and insulated gloves.

Most other things, I'm pleased to report, have stayed consistent: the abundance of fleece, Patagonia puffy jackets, tea, coffee, dogs, Subarus, dirty hippies, wool socks, and microbrews.

More soon. Happy belated new year, all!

Reclaiming sea changes, endorphins, and my lunch breaks

Autumn has been my favorite season everywhere I've ever lived - the changing colors, the crisp air, the hearty seasonal foods, the excuses to wear hoodies and drink tea and curl up inside with a book. Perhaps above all, what I think makes me love it is its fleeting nature. The leaves are such fiery colors for such a short period of time, you can't help but be dazzled by their ephemera.

Glorious autumn hike in Salt Lake City last month

I haven't always been so fond of fleeting things like fall. (Metaphor alert!) I'm pretty sure I can pinpoint gaining my appreciation for transitional times to my blissful, liberating summer at Stanford. Following that, at 16 years old on the plane back to Kansas, just a few days shy of my reluctant return to high school, I wrote this in my journal:

I need to not be afraid of letting myself LIVE and fully experience the things and situations and people that bring me joy, no matter what the rest of the world has to say about it. If this summer has taught me anything, it is probably just more selfishness - life is way too short to let fear of risk bar you from truly living. It's too short for wallowing or complaining or ruminating or reliving the past. I am not going to waste another moment of my life complaining about "life in Kansas" - what a waste! 

Rachel wrote me a letter where she talked about wanting to put our angst aside and jointly make senior year our best ever - and reading that made me think, 'Hey yeah! That's within our power!' I want to have outrageously high expectations for this year, just like I did for this summer, because I do believe that many times in life, you get as much out of something as you put into it.

I am on my way home, leaving something behind perhaps, but I have too much to look forward to in the future to dwell on this particular ending. Life is full of endings, of final chapters, of goodbyes, and we cannot let ourselves dwell in them, or we will never appreciate the innate beauty of new beginnings. Even in giving up certain aspects of our pasts, we take with us (consciously or not) the things we have learned, the memories we have made, the experiences we have had, the emotions we have allowed to shape us. The doorways are open everywhere, just waiting.

A photo I took from the plane window as I was writing that journal entry

I think one of the great things about transitions, whether you're initiating them yourself or struggling to adjust as they're thrown your way, is that they offer the opportunity for radical transformations. What's more invigorating than giving yourself permission to be seven again, dream big, and believe anything is possible?

It's why I'm a sucker for New Years.

Those who know me know I'm also a sucker for the Space Needle :)

It's also why I often observe the new moon by burning a candle and writing in my journal about areas in my life I'd like to focus my energy on in the coming month. (Many thanks to my lovely friend and mentor in Ohio, Monique, for introducing me to this tradition.) And it's why, even when the world feels like it's spinning wildly out of my control, I think back to a fable my mom always told me when she'd remind me, "You never know if something is good news or bad news."

(Turns out, it's almost always good news.) On January 1, 2012, I wrote in my journal, May this year be filled with positive and necessary change! I guess I asked for it this year. As 2012 draws to a close, I've been reflecting a lot on the changes that have happened - and also on the ones I'm still working to initiate, on the coattails of larger transitions in my working life and personal life alike.

Life, as always, is a work in progress!

One of those changes is finding innovative ways to temper a busy, full-time work schedule with enough adventure to keep me sane. The last few weeks of October this year saw at my indolent worst. After IMTUF, I went for a grand total of three runs the entire rest of the month. Yikes! And I'm ashamed to report I've eaten lunch at my desk most days, rather than taking a moment for myself to go for a run or read a book or just sit still and breathe.

Jason, a friend of mine who came to work in marketing for REI after many years in a high-pressure, high-stress corporate environment, gave me this (paraphrased) advice before I started my new job: "Take your lunch breaks. Go for a run, or ride a bike, or work out. If you set that expectation on day one, people will just accept that you're the kind of person who goes running on her lunch break. If you wait too long before setting that routine, you're more likely to get stigmatized for trying to take a moment for yourself in the middle of the work day."

At the time he gave it to me, I felt convinced I'd follow his advice to a tee - but once I got started in my new role, I absolutely got wrapped up in the work-around-the-clock mindset. It's tough, when you're settling in to a new place; you don't want to be perceived as the slacker among a crop of hard-working folks. And I'm not! I'm a hard-working Midwestern girl; slacking is not in my nature. But here's the catch:

I am so much happier, calmer, and more productive when I get outside and get my endorphins regularly. So these past couple of weeks, I'm happy to report that I've made big efforts to re-prioritize that in my day-to-day life.

• I signed up for a gym membership (with a lap pool!) in my office's building, so I can work out on my lunch breaks - and I found a lunchtime workout buddy in my coworker Rachel.
• When the weather is decent, I'm biking the 26 miles roundtrip to work, instead of driving. (If I did this every day for a year, I would save over $4000 on tolls, gas, and wear/tear on my car!)

The scenery's not too shabby either

• I'm reclaiming weekday sunrise summits on Mt. Si, before hitting the office. Always worth it.

7:30 a.m. this morning

• Steve and I are doing a power vinyasa yoga class once a week (and biking to and from it!).

Life is good. I feel fortunate to be alive and healthy. I don't know what yet lies ahead, but I am optimistic. I've felt an awakening in my soul, and will conclude this rambling entry with my favorite quote, from Howard Thurman:

Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Farming in Flannel, or Weekend WWOOFing

First and foremost, thanks to so many of you for the wonderful comments on my last blog entry. I've never had so much positive feedback on anything I've ever written. In many ways, getting to share my story with you all and receiving so many wonderful responses has pretty much been on par with the happiness I got from crossing that finish line :) So thank you, thank you, thank you. May we all continue to share our stories with one another - and be stronger, wiser, more joyful, and better connected because of it! 

(In the interest of sharing, here's one of my favorite inspiring reads of the past few years.)

Second of all: let's talk about how awesome Vashon Island is. Several months ago, I wrote about Vashon here on my blog and said this about it: A perfect little getaway from the city, Vashon boasts a lively community of folks, including many artists, musicians and, evidently, runners. It's always a treat to visit this rural, small-towny oasis.

The context in which I've visited Vashon (three times, prior to this weekend) has always been for the annual Vashon Ultra in June - my first 50K ever, back in 2010, and an event for which I feel a strong affinity and sense of loyalty. Every year, I've vowed that the next time I visit Vashon, I'd actually spend a decent amount of time there, seeing something other than the road from the ferry landing to the race start, and the 10-mile loop of trails that comprises the race.

This past weekend, I finally made the pilgrimage - with a weekend of work trades set up to structure the weekend. Steve, who's been interested in WWOOFing (World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms - learn more here), coordinated with a small farm on the island to exchange a couple days of manual labor for a weekend of room and board. I had set up my own work exchange elsewhere on the island on Saturday (thank you, Claudine!) to trade writing/website assistance for an amazing massage/bodywork session - before meeting up with Steve at the farm for a little taste of WWOOFing.

So let me state for the record that I'd be a liar to say that I truly experienced WWOOFing this weekend. More or less, I pretty much just mooched off the labors of Steve. While I was off drinking tea with Claudine and getting a 5-star massage, this guy was hacking through blackberry bushes, shoveling (literally) horse shit and seaweed and grape leaves into compost bins, and assembling a large-scale rainwater-collection system.

I did show up in time to participate in the grand adventure of digging up potatoes. Quite the treasure hunt in the dirt! After much shoveling, we finally unearthed some good ones - which were promptly boiled, mashed, and set out on the dinner table.

Our kind hosts, Scott and Andrea, cooked up a storm for us on Saturday night. It felt like Thanksgiving - with foods that were almost entirely grown in their garden. Salads filled with homegrown sprouts, apples, spinach, cucumbers, tomatoes, and sunflower seeds - all harvested that day (or that week, at the very least). Mashed potatoes, mashed squash. Unbelievably tender pork from a locally raised pig. Berry cobbler for dessert, with fresh blackberries from their yard. Heaven? Pretty darn close.

Scott and Andrea are very focused on simple living - making and building things from scratch, repurposing everything, bartering whenever possible, spending less money rather than racing to make more. At the risk of over-romanticizing the island life, I will say that there was a stark contrast in the pace of their daily life from my own - even just the notion of having time to sit down together three times a day for a genuinely relaxed, home-cooked meal...that was nice. (Surely I can, at the very least, afford to reclaim the lunch breaks I've already begun to lose sight of in my new job? Starting tomorrow!)

The weekend's takeaway, for me, was similar to that of the delightful "Team Sprout", whom Seyeon and I stayed with during our first foray into couchsurfing years ago in Austin: time is money; money is time; live humbly, and you can experience a different kind of wealth entirely. 

Much like couchsurfing, this experience made me hope to someday have a home (and garden!) big, warm, and welcoming enough to host strangers. I love the idea of meeting travelers from all over the world, sharing fresh food and terrific home-cooked meals, learning about one another's habits and beliefs and life experiences. It's an amazing thing to be welcomed into the home of a perfect stranger, and be given a glimpse into their daily life.

In the morning, after a hearty breakfast with Scott and Andrea, we put on our work boots and hit the garden again for a couple hours. I'll be the first to admit: for as passionate as I am about food, I know astoundingly little about gardening/farming. It was awesome to see what broccoli looks like growing on a plant, before it's been harvested. I loved seeing how enormous the beets were in the dirt.

      

The stems of the Swiss chard were such a brilliant pink. 

The tomatoes in their greenhouse, of course, were ten times more flavorful than anything you can find in a grocery store. I wish small-scale food production was part of our educational system. Sigh.

They were kind enough to send us away with bags of fresh greens and vegetables, a big bouquet of hand-picked flowers, and a bottle of wine (which will be eligible for opening in 70 days...) from the Andrew Will winery where Scott works.

We spent the afternoon exploring Maury Island Marine Park (connected to Vashon), which was gorgeous - and even made us feel like we were on a real beach on the ocean, tidal waves and all! :)

Although this entry has been almost entirely focused on food, I've neglected to mention the two other ridiculously amazing dinners of the weekend. It would do my blog, and the meals themselves, a serious injustice to leave out mention of them entirely:

1. Delicious dinner at the Preston household, featuring bacon/mushroom pizza, squash soup, blackened chicken in cream sauce, and creme brulee. My friends got fancy!
2. Sunday shabu-shabu dinner at Deby's house: traditional Japanese hot pot meal with virtually endless bowls of rice, noodles, meat, shrimp, gyoza (dumplings), tofu, and vegetables...all followed by copious amounts of homemade mochi, filled with red bean paste. Yummy.

One thing is for sure: I died and went to food heaven this weekend. It was a bit of a rough transition back to Earth today...

A big thanks, as always, to everyone who made this weekend a stellar one. I shared so many wonderful meals with people I only just met this very weekend, or a few months ago, or in the case of a select few (Cam and Avey, this means you!), a full 3+ years ago now. All of you, in my relatively brief time thus far in this beautiful corner of the world, have become like family to me. I thank you for bringing color to my life!

Ultra-Rambly Race Report: White River 50 Endurance Run

One week ago, I ran my first 50-miler, the White River Endurance Run. I'll borrow a couple lines from my friend and fellow 50-miler-first-timer Tim's race report on his blog, A Little Runny, and warn you that what follows is "kind of long, but whatever. You all have proven that you have the stamina for this kind of thing - either by running freaking forever, or by putting up with me to this point in life."

For those who aren't familiar with White River, a quick primer on the course: it's essentially a figure-8 course, with a 27ish-mile loop and a 23ish-mile loop, each of which has a monster climb, totaling about 8,700 feet of climbing (+ the same in descent; 17,400 ft. total elevation change) altogether.

The White River course profile superimposed over the Boston marathon course profile
Two weekends before the race, Jenn and I spent the better part of our Sunday doing a training run on the White River course. We ran 75% of the first loop, including most of the climb, and then ran the entire second loop on duly tired legs. This, probably more than anything, gave me all the confidence I needed for race day.

Our 38ish-mile training run had been tiring, but not awful. We got to know the terrain. In training, I felt wiped out and got grumpy by the time we hit Skookum Flats (6.6 mile from the finish; see course profile above) - but after an honest check-in with myself, determined that the exhaustion was purely mental, not physical. Once I shifted my perception of the last stretch on Skookum as a miserable slog to pretending I was just out for an unusually scenic lunchtime run (since Lauren and I frequently run 6ish miles in the middle of our workday), it actually felt pretty good. I promised myself to tuck that lesson in perception into my arsenal come race day.

Fast forward two weeks. I rode out to the course on Friday with Jenn and her boyfriend Greg, who was our supportive, exceptionally patient weekend chauffeur and cheerleader. Of the 340-some pre-registered runners, as well as volunteers, I counted several dozen whom I'd consider good friends. Most everyone camped out at the starting line on Friday night - so the evening was a great time, hanging out with so many of my running buddies, sharing in pre-race jitters, sitting around the campfire and packing our drop bags.


They let us request our own bib #s. Obviously, I chose my lucky number! I attribute at least 50% of my success to having this one pinned on my shorts :) The other 50% I attribute to, as I've said before, the spectacular training advice and encouragement of Major Jonathan Shark. A huge shoutout to him in Afghanistan - present with us in spirit, always, at these races.
Morning of, I got up to see off some of our friends who took the early start - Linh, Ras, Van, Maylon, Simon, Tracy, Dana, Craig, Lars, among others - at the crack of dawn. Breakfast was the usual green smoothie (blended at home the day before, mason-jarred in a cooler), boiled egg, and dark chocolate - plus a little leftover quinoa/berry porridge that I'd had for dinner the night before.

Somehow, Jenn and I both kind of lost track of time after that, dilly-dallying back at our campsite. At 6:27 a.m., we were both still hanging out in our tents, taping our feet, lathering on Body Glide, and doing who knows what else. When we suddenly realized how late it had gotten on us, we dashed toward the starting line, pinning our race bibs on our shorts as we ran, and made it just in time. Takao, who photographed the race along with Glenn this year, snapped this of the two of us as we took off. I'm in green; Jennifer in blue.

Amazingly, I felt pretty darn great the whole first 27-mile loop. There were so many familiar faces on the course, I had plenty of awesome company with whom to enjoy the course - George, Jenn, Kevin, Ben, Mike, and quite a few other folks running their first 50 milers, too - a couple young, energetic guys from Spokane, and an awesomely strong runner from Canada named Meredith. It was mostly cloudy for the first few hours, which was pleasant.

I felt like I was running a *little* faster than I should...but I used my breath as my pace gage; as long as I felt like my breathing wasn't getting labored, I maintained that pace - which, after two weeks of serious tapering, was a pretty darn good clip. I ran without a Garmin or pace chart of any sort; my biggest priority, truly, was to enjoy the course and have a good first 50 experience, so I didn't want any kind of time pressure hanging over me. I've been working a lot on trusting my intuition more (with running, to be sure, but also in life in general!), and as I said to Jenn during our training run weeks before: "I don't need to worry about pacing myself; I'll let the mountain pace me."

On a funny sidenote: I did run with a simple Suunto stopwatch. At 9 hours, it beeped off. Apparently, at that point, it assumes there's no possible way you're still exercising. Silly watch.

But rewind a bit. I got a great boost at the Corral Pass aid station around mile 17, where there were so many familiar faces among the volunteers. Fellow 50-first-timer Linh and I hit the aid station at the same time, and Deby snapped a photo of us before we took off again for the woods.


The terrain up near Corral Pass is absolutely stunning. It cleared up by the time we got up there, so we were rewarded with spectacular views of Mt. Rainier. The scenery reminded me a lot of Colorado - rocky, remote, bathed in sunshine, dusty dirt and the delicious scent of pine. I felt high as a kite - alive, strong, verging on euphoric.


Photo by Glenn Tachiyama
The descent back to Buck Creek was a blast - though I resisted going full-throttle on the downhill, having been properly warned not to blow out my quads here so early in the race. Plus I had developed a blister on my pinky toe that was starting to give me some trouble. And my tummy, as usual, got a little hot and bothered during the high-jostling downhill.

At Buck Creek, I plopped down in the grass to change socks and deal with my blister before it got out of control. I also discovered that I had rivers of blood down my left leg, as I'd apparently gashed open my left knee climbing over a giant downed tree on the course, and failed to notice that it had been bleeding for miles. Thank goodness for the Best Volunteer Ever, who came over and took care of my every need, without my having to articulate a single one of them (good thing, because I was tired, panicked about losing time by stopping too long at the aid station, and generally a little loopy). He wiped off my legs, refilled my hydration pack, emptied out all my GU gel and energy bar wrapper trash from my pack, took my shoes and socks off and helped me change socks...all while I was sitting there, a little loopy and dumb-founded. What a hero!

Kathy was there to help me get my hydration pack all situated again, and cheered me on my way. I probably spent about ten minutes total at Buck Creek; once I got back up to run again, I didn't feel like it at all. I wolfed down a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as I trotted through the woods toward the second monster climb, and at this point, hit my lowest point mentally. A lot of cheery runners who looked like they were in far better shape than I had blasted through Buck Creek as I was sitting in the grass with my guardian angel wiping blood off my legs. My muscles were grumpy. My stomach was grumpy. I was grumpy.

As I began the next big climb, I felt pretty negative - frustrated I'd lost time at Buck Creek, worried I'd done the first loop too fast, berating myself for not moving faster on the climb, feeling panicked and unnecessarily competitive with other runners as they pulled ahead of me. But I quickly realized that there is ZERO room for negativity in endeavors like this; it would be a long 23-mile loop if I couldn't shake it.

So I shook it. I let it all go. I gave myself total permission to walk the entire climb and feel no pressure to run. Others pulled ahead; I fell back. Then, abruptly, I felt a deep sense of peace, because I was alone on the course for the first time. I must have gotten quite lost indeed in the joy of this temporary solitude, because without even realizing it, my legs got their mojo back. Before I knew it, I was passing people again on the climb, and energetically trotting up the very terrain I'd given myself permission to walk.

I even found it within myself to jump for Glenn (at his cajoling!) at mile 37, approaching the summit of the second climb at Sun Top.


The next stretch of the course is infamous: six miles of straight downhill on a hard-packed gravel service road. This was, by far, my body's favorite part of the whole course. Sophia and I fell in step with each other for nearly the entire descent, cruising hard at 7:30ish miles or so the whole way, making up loads of time, passing people left and right, and chatting it up. It was at this point that I started paying more attention to my stopwatch, and realizing that a sub-10-hour finish might be within reach.

Unfortunately, my stomach got pretty upset during the last mile or two of the downhill. Fortunately, I knew from my training run with Jenn that there was a little outhouse at the bottom of the road; I made a beeline straight for it. Unfortunately, there was already someone in it, taking her time. I waited several minutes longer than I wanted to, watching runner after runner blaze by me...but waiting my turn for the luxury of a bathroom was ultimately the right decision.

I hit Skookum Flats with renewed energy, drawing on the same psychological games I'd played with myself in training two weeks before. My legs felt remarkably lively. I'd fueled well all day, and still had plenty of energy to burn on those last few miles - so I cruised. I passed more runners. I wanted that sub-10-hour finish badly.

When I emerged from the woods to the cheering sounds of the crowd at the finish line, I felt so happy. What a crazy sense of accomplishment. JB - who I'd originally met when he came to rep SCOTT shoes at the Seattle REI Running Expo I helped put on this year - gave me the biggest hug as I came across the finish line in 9:53:34.

The wonderfully awesome team that is Jamey and Heather captured this great moment for me:


Thank you, thank you, thank you to absolutely everyone in my life who helped me pull this one off. To all of you, your support has meant the world to me - whether in the form of planting the seed in my mind to register for this (thanks, as always, Tom!), running with me in training, listening to me ramble about running, sharing WR-specific training advice, or for simply believing in me...thank you all. This day rocked.

Cheating my inner productivity-drill-sergeant

I intended to sit down and write an entry about habits, but I got so sidetracked elaborating on the first one I wanted to discuss - reading - that I guess I need to resign this entry to being solely about that. I'm all right with that.

Reading has been huge for me this year! I'm thrilled, because I struggled for a long time with giving myself permission to read. Curling up with a book often felt like too much of an indulgence. It still does, sometimes, but I've found a few ways to cheat my inner productivity-drill-sergeant and allow myself the indulgence anyway.

1. Track books I read on GoodReads. That way, even when I'm snuggled up in my papasan chair with my cat, a mug of tea, and a ratty paperback, I can feel like I'm making progress toward a goal - and I'll have something to show for it at the end.
2. Read while "hiking" on the treadmill. In training for the White River 50 this year, I was advised by the wise White River veteran Major Shark to get myself on the treadmill to train my legs for steady, steady climbing. Prior to this, I'd never done anything but run on the treadmill...mile repeats, check; 16-mile runs, check; Yasso 800's, check. But crank it up to a 15% grade and walk briskly for 6 uphill miles? Never before. Lo and behold, it's been great. Not only have I gotten in great shape, I can easily read half a book in one workout.
3. Vanpool! James and I got a new vanpool off the ground that runs from Seattle to Kent. (One of these days, I will devote an entire blog entry to the amazing vanpool program in King County.) We share driving duties, but when I'm not driving, it's a great opportunity to read. What better way to start the morning than being immersed in a fabulous novel for half an hour before even checking my email?
4. God bless the iPhone. After reading The Shallows a couple years ago and being quite sure I'd never find a place in my heart for ebooks...well, I've gone and done it anyway. Mostly because I can log on to the Seattle Public library's website on my phone and within 30 seconds, download a complete book - for free - onto my phone. Then, best of all, unlike regular books or even a Kindle, it's literally in my pocket all day long, ready to be pulled out and read while I'm waiting in lines, riding the bus, eating lunch, etc. I find all sorts of ways throughout my day to sneak reading a page here, a page there. I love it!

Did all that type-A stuff just spoil the romanticism of my bibliophilia? I hope not. I love books all the same - which is to say, very, very much.

It's just that...young adulthood has a way of making time accelerate, and that acceleration prompts a kind of nostalgia for the languid summers of childhood, swaths of unscheduled, uninterrupted free time to pursue whatever creative pursuits struck your fancy. Then you grow up, and time doesn't come around like that anymore. At some point, the question is no longer the presumptuous 'When shall I do this thing I really want to do?', but rather, an urgent, half-desperate 'Will I ever do this thing I really want to do?'

I believed, at twelve, that I could be a scientist. I believed I could be a writer, an actress, a professor of English in Rome, an acrobat in a purple spangled outfit. Days opened for me like the pulling apart of curtains at a play you've been dying to see. I had a microscope on my desk, shelves full of books and treasures that I found outside: rocks, wood, abandoned nests of hornets and birds, notes to myself for things to do tomorrow because I hadn't had the time today. I believed the way to ride bareback was to get on and go, the rising heat of the horse against your bare legs the only instruction you'd need. The how of everything was simply in the doing of it. - From The Pull of the Moon, by Elizabeth Berg

I miss having the time to pursue all the how's that pique my interest - to write a novel in my afternoons, to design my own board game for the heck of it, to teach myself to juggle in front of a mirror in my basement with hand towels and plastic bowling pins. I miss the limitless ambitions of the young imagination.

But I also recognize that simply missing free time doesn't make it magically appear. So instead of going around mumbling all the time about how I wished I had more time to read, I'm reading on treadmills and in vans and on my fancy phone. Pardon the pragmatism of growing up in the modern world.

Of course, there are limits to the number of things that you can "make time for", no matter how passionate and committed you may be to them. What I have learned so far, though, is that it's no good to throw your hands up in the air about it all. You can set new priorities, small ones, one by one, and eventually (I'm talking years here) they weasel their way into your daily life and eek out a little bit of room for new ones.

So. Reading, juicing, running, career building, today. Social life, PHP wrangling, banjo playing, new blog launch, book proposal, sleeping, traveling, tomorrow*. Ah life!

*figuratively speaking

Mid-Year Sobriety Report

Running on Bandera Mountain
It's July! This means that I am officially halfway through my self-imposed Year of Sobriety. Pretty hard to believe that it's been six months already. While the first couple months dragged a bit, and I wondered how I'd stay motivated to stay the course for a full beer-free year, the last few months have flown by.

I can't claim that I've been all health, all the time. I had a crackers-and-fancy-cheese phase that went on a couple months longer than it should have. I get crabby and irritable if I stay away from sugar for very long. I have a weak spot for dark chocolate, and I still eat ice cream pretty much all the time.

What I can say is that six months of self-discipline in one realm trickles over into self-discipline in other realms, too. Declaring such a clear priority for myself has invited the respect and support of my friends (thank you all!) - which has, in turn, encouraged me to be diligent about other goals, too. My running/training has been great; I've been working on some really exciting writing projects; I'm ahead of schedule on my goal to read a book a week in 2012 (I'm at 31 for the year so far!); I've been juicing regularly and eating more plant-based foods than ever.


Gluten-free Thai peanut pasta with rice noodles, fresh asparagus, and pinenuts
Also, knowing that I can still have a social life outside of "getting a drink" with friends has meant - on the whole - more quality time with the people I care about, not less (as I was worried it might). Instead of yelling to hear each other in crowded bars, I have spent time with friends doing other things: hiking, running, cooking wholesome foods, taking walks, snowboarding, biking, going to book signings, doing yoga, reading, just sitting around and catching up over a cup of tea. I spent a day building homes with Ruth at Habitat for Humanity. I went to Folklife for Zoë's birthday and her now-annual tradition of gluten-free tupperware cake. My lady friends hosted Lady Brunchluck.

Brunchluck lap.
I also have learned that trotting alongside someone in the mountains for hours on end, with headlamps into the late hours of the night, invites just about as much silliness, laughter, and intimate conversation as you might expect after a few pints of ale.

Have I saved money? Can't say that I have; I've just chosen to spend the money I would have spent on booze on beverages that are far more nourishing to my body - fresh, organic fruit and veggies for the juicer!

Liquid sunshine: Apple, carrot, celery, kale, parsley, and spirulina
Have I lost weight? Can't say that I have. (I blame the ice cream!) Nevertheless, I have definitely gotten leaner overall. More muscle, less fat. Bring it on, mountains; my legs are ready for conquering.

Have my evenings felt significantly more productive and satisfying? Yup. Do I feel like I'm making good progress on the things that are important to me at this point in my life? Yup. Have I suffered significantly less from the heartburn/acid reflux that's plagued me in the past? Yup.

So, do I feel good about my Year of Sobriety thus far? Heck yes. It's been a great experience - a genuine challenge that I look forward to seeing all the way through. I realize a year without any alcohol is considered borderline extreme in our society. Indeed, I look forward to that first glass of champagne at midnight six months down the road. On the other hand, sometimes doing borderline extreme things is a good reminder that society's expectations need not define our path - and sometimes there are very real rewards to forging your own.

P.S. Vashon Ultra 50K Race Report coming soon.

Simple pleasures

Sometimes I forget just how valuable and rejuvenating even just a few minutes of dedicated quiet "self time" can be. The past week has been pretty nutty, and from the looks of my iCalendar, the coming one will be, too. It's all good stuff - putting in long miles on the trails, road trips for out-of-town races, working with people who have become like family to me, coaching Girls on the Run, dinner plans with friends, promoting REI's upcoming Running Shoe Expo in Seattle (April 14 - come one, come all!), and other life sundries - but it's always daunting to have so many of my waking hours scheduled in advance...particularly on days that start at dawn, and hop from activity to activity until dusk.

Wednesday this week was that kind of day. Early-ish morning run with a great bunch of folks, home for a quick shower and lunch, Girls on the Run practice, check-in meeting with my fellow coaches, then straight to work after that. Except! Except that there was less traffic than expected between my meeting and work, and I wound up with a bonus half hour.


So I seized the opportunity to take a walk (in the evening sunshine!) to one of my favorite spots in Seattle, the Row House Cafe in South Lake Union. I ordered a tasty cup of lentil soup, and soaked up the peace of every minute I spent curled up next to the window. I had some people-watching opportunities and a good book. Absolute bliss, seriously. Long live quiet moments among the loud ones.

(Also, their Pandora station or whatever they were playing - in conjunction with the Shazam app on my phone - introduced me to this lovely little song. It captures well my mood in that moment.)

Road trip tomorrow! Oregon, here we come! More soon.

Conscious Endeavors

To build upon the mememe reflections inspired by the New Year (and given that I am currently laid up on my couch for a few days with ice cream and mashed potatoes, recovering from wisdom teeth removal this morning...), here's some elaboration on the aforementioned notion of projects - specifically, my top three for this year.


The Gratitude Project
I can't think of any situation in my recent experiences that hasn't been instantly and vastly improved by shifting some of my focus to gratitude. Stuck in traffic? It happens a fair amount in this city. Choosing gratitude over frustration goes a long way. With a bit of conscious effort, I can choose to spend that time feeling grateful that I have a car in the first place, that I am on my way to something great - dinner with a friend for whom I'm also grateful, work that I'm grateful to be able to do, a home that I'm grateful to have and share with someone wonderful. Fortunately, too, many of the times I'm stuck in traffic, it's on I-5 with a view of the Seattle skyline, the Olympic mountains, the Cascade mountains, Lake Union, Mt. Rainier...does a day go by that I'm not counting my blessings for this wonderful city that's come to be my home? If you read my blog, you know the answer.

In 2012, I want to spend more of my energy on gratitude, and less on irritation, on frustration, on impatience. Gratitude gives back immediately. It fills me with a sense of owing the world something in return for what I've been given, of making the most of my day, my resources, my talents, my energy, my love. I want to do a better job appreciating the people in my life who make it great, appreciating my health and ability, appreciating the small things as well as the big.

I credit my parents for instilling in me from early on the value of gratitude - and with that, I want to officially introduce my new micro-blog venture for 2012: Thanks, Parents! The plan is to regularly update it with small thank-you notes to my parents for all the time, effort and love they poured into setting me up for an awesome life. Please check it out!


The Gazelle Project
It should also come as no surprise that running will continue to be an area of focus for me...except, more so! Based on lessons in 2011, my priorities will include: being a big part of the running community rather than making it a solo sport, prioritizing injury prevention, running higher overall mileage, learning to embrace elevation and become a stronger uphill runner, and being far more conscientious with my nutrition and fueling.

In a recent article in Trail Runner magazine about 24-year-old ultrarunner Kilian Jornet, he was quoted as saying "Don't think of training is training. Training is going and running because you enjoy it." Indeed, I've begun to think of running not as the thing I have to find time to pack in to my schedule, but as the thing that IS my schedule, which other things need to be packed in around. It feels good.

In celebration of my commitment to train at new levels, I registered for the White River 50-Mile Endurance Run this July...woohoo! This is on top of a couple spring 50K's I've also registered for. Other specific running goals include: a sub-20:00 5K, a sub-6:00 mile, and qualifying for Boston. Above all, though, I'd like to continue running without injury and loving every moment I get to spend out there.


The Energy Project
This is an ongoing one for me, for which I usually have tremendous zest for around New Year's, but often fizzles as I get deeper into the year. However, it's far too important to let slide off my center burner.

Everything we do takes both time and energy. I consistently feel like I don't get to do enough of the things I want/need to, which leads me to feel panicky, stressed, guilty and generally bummed. Since we can't generate more time in our lives - we are all, after all, subject to the same 24-hour days - this project is geared at generating more energy within myself.

It's a broad one, I know, but within it are the seeds of several subsequent goals: establish and maintain a better way of organizing my thoughts and to-do lists, procrastinate less, prioritize sleep, incorporate more fresh juices and green smoothies in my diet, be more conscientious in general of how I nourish my body. I've decided to forgo alcohol altogether in 2012, partly as a personal challenge, partly as a way to do something nice for my body and support my running ambitions, and partly as a way to simply be gentler on my wallet.

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I could go on and on with the project list, many of which include subsequent SMART goals...
- The Reading Project (Read at least two nonfiction books and two novels every month in 2012, and track them on my Goodreads page.)
- The Writing Project> (Build an online portfolio of my writing. Network in the freelance world. Be getting paid to write full-time by the end of the year.)
- The String Band Project (Actually take banjo lessons and practice regularly, instead of thinking that owning one will magically grant me the ability to play it.)
- The Strength Project (Do more yoga. Strength train 3x/week. Be able to do 50 pushups. Be able to do a single darn pullup.)
- The Financial Peace Project (Be diligent again in budgeting and tracking spending through Mint.com. Read more books on personal finance and investing. Learn more from my dad.)
- The Minimalism Project (Get rid of a lot of my unnecessary stuff. Simplify.)
...but as important as these subsequent ones all are, and as much as I will still try to contribute as much of my energy to them as I can this year, the truth is that the first three - Gratitude, Running and Energy - are what I've decided to make my biggest priorities. I'm learning that, hard as I may try, I just can't do it all.

There is a quote that's been attributed at times to Bill Gates and at times to Tony Robbins, and I'm not sure who it's really from, but it goes something like this: "We tend to overestimate what we can accomplish in one year, and underestimate what we can accomplish in 10." With that in mind, I'm trying to accept that there's no way I can possibly expect to accomplish in one year every single goal I've mentioned above. Nevertheless, I believe in vision, I believe in action, and to drop another of my favorite quotes, "I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor." (Henry David Thoreau)